My life is so Depressing

I told her ...

2004-11-19T15:58:00.000-08:00

<>One day a girl asked a me if I thought she was pretty?
and I said...No.

Then She asked me if I wanted to be with her forever?

and I said... No.

Then She then asked me if she were to leave would I cry?

and again I had to say no.

She looked at me like she didnt know me anymore...
As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the I grabbed
her arm and said..

You're not pretty you're BEAUTIFUL.

I dont want to be with you forever, I NEED to be with you FOREVER.

And I wouldn't cry if you walked away...I'D DIE...

I've been dying ever since ...

A letter written 11/17/1998 ... To this girl who might have been the one ...

2004-11-19T15:57:00.000-08:00

It's called "To Sega" ... I met this girl in Palm Springs when I was visiting one of my friends. She was amazing. We met up one time after that night and then I never heard from her again so... If you're out there some where in Oahu, Hawaii. I'd like to see you again here's a letter I wrote you after our only date ...

Sega, 11/17/1999

When I saw you again for the first time, My heart jumped out of my chest, My mind did a rewind, then suddenly you redefined beauty to me. I know right then you were kinda mad, but one hug, a few laughs and a "oh my god, Eric e's the coolest!" wasn't so bad, right? Yeah I know I'm kinda weird though, This is just makes it easier for me to say all the things my mouth wouldn't let me before. Although you might never see this... Well if you do believe this ... Damn girl you grubbed that del taco but you did it like a princess. It don't bother me one bit, as a matter of fact I liked it. And every time you spoke if i didn't say much back, its because when I tried to talk, I'd choke, I mean on things to say. Didn't want to be lame but thats just me all day every day.

Did I tell you how much I liked your smile? Every time you gave me one, I counted it and added it to my pile, only because if I never saw you again, I could look back and be like "Thanks god for those 110". But I'm sure I'll see you, I plan to atleast. So let me tell you what happened after this, turn this paper over to read the rest...

2nd side of the Page ... I was soooo into this chick .. I was very Naive then ... lol

The rest goes like this... Finally at the end of the night I dismissed all the butterfly's that had been kickin it in my tummy the whole time. I think when I told you about me I was the most afraid you'd think i was stupid, but because you're you, there was no way, and I felt OK. Then you told me about you and I knew that you needed someone like me in your life, to hold you, console you make you laugh and if need be Kong foe California roll you. It was so cute to see you sing the songs that we played, I wanted to freeze time and repeat that over and over again. If I could I would just spend another minute with you, even though it was quiet some of the time, I'd be happy knowing your were right here beside me, holding your head on my shoulder. And when then night came to a close and I gave you a hug, I confess I didn't want to let you go. But I wont let you go now that i know you, you're too much to lose and I know that you know so to. So I guess good night for now I''s see you soon I'm sure somehow.. if not in person I'll dream about you ... you'll always be in my prayers ... always ... Thank you ... Eric

"If Only"

2004-11-19T15:55:00.000-08:00

Minutes turn to hours, days turn into weeks I'm so empty..

and I'm lost without you love, youre love makes me feel like I'm complete

Wishing, Wanting, Hoping, Longing. For the day youre in my arms,

<>and Im loney, oh so loney, Girl im loney...

If only you were here ...

Forever this time...

2004-11-19T15:54:00.000-08:00

Don't know if you'll ever read this... but you know who you are ...

How did one day turn into four years,
and how did those years pass with one breath,
and when did you stop falling in love,
with me?

I know I've done my share of searching,
Searching for my soul
but the places ive been looking
seem to leave me cold.

Reality seems to find me,
yet I'm lost with no way home
listen to me when im saying
for us there is no home.

I know, that things just wont change
and it really hurts to say
I love you so much,
i really love you so much,
but you have to go away.
this time stay away.

good bye forever this time ...

Let me be me...

2004-11-19T15:44:00.000-08:00

Enough with all shit that I've been dealing with,
It sucks that I can not just be me.
I really think it's time you stop pretending,
Why the hell cant you just try to see,
me...

This is who I am,
No matter what or where or when.
I hear you saying that you want me just to change.
I really cant, and no I wont if thats what it takes...
I'd rather be alone.
If I'm alone at least ill still have me,
thats all i really want to be.
Me...

So what if they dont feel me?
I don't really care when I'm with you.
I don't understand you said youre happy,
but you want me to change?
for who?
Them or for you